on unaccepted invitations

i committed myself this year to inviting a small group of people to observe lent with me. Of course, in my world, a "small group" still amounted to more than 20 people i know with whom i thought a lenten journey would be a rich one.

things were not perfect, as they cannot be, but i got an e-vite out and the first "Fish Friday," which fell on the second Friday in lent, was wonderful. Two dear couples came, and we were joined later by my roommate (i started to write, "my Christine." there's testament to the length and sweetness of time we've lived together!). It wasn't heavy on the overtly lenten meditation, but there was a bit of that, and Mr. Clayton was sufficiently schooled in the ways of InterVarsity to launch immediately into "that makes me think..." after i read the quotation from Walter Wangerin Jr.

we talked about experiencing race, the historical significance of having "perfect pitch", and the possibility of composting in the city. it was rich.

the next week we skipped because some of us were involved with the IAM conference/encounter. and last week ended up being a quiet visit with one other good friend.

this week, no one has joined me.

i could lay some of the blame on what appears to be evite's failure to capture this invitation as a recurring event, and thus has put it in the "past events" series rather than continuing to remind my invitees. i'm sure it is due to user error.

it could be that we are "just busy," a state of being i deplore, particularly when it is used as a status symbol. Being "busy" is a lesser human state, as far as i am concerned. I readily admit that i fall into that category far more often than i would like.

once again, i am faced with how very different life in the city is from my life in Austin. and i must admit that the years in Austin to which i now compare this life were rare even for that place. to have a community of people who observe lent together, voluntarily, simply because they like each other and value the observance of lent...that is, i suppose, rare. and requires some cultivation to get to that place, and once that "place" is gotten-to, well, it's likely it won't last very long. Entropy prevails in the short-term of this crumbling world. All is being undone until the Resurrection makes His final appearance.

coming home tonight, i stopped at Fine Fare. i bought food to prepare for 6 or 8 depending on how hungry we are. i came home and put on the Lenten meditation CD my dear friend Jarin gave me in that rich Austin season. silently, with shalom, i prepared eggplant and fish. i suspected i would be alone.

i noticed my disappointment, a thin fog of rejection hovering in my heart. as i took out the trash and mopped up the floor, i considered this: experiencing an unaccepted invitation is quite an appropriate lenten observance. there is, certainly, a Great Invitation shown unaccepted when we gaze upon the crucified Christ. and in committing to preparation for the guests, even knowing that they likely will not come, there is a meeting with the Rejected King.

so i continued to prepare, ready for the guest. and who knows, perhaps a Stranger will arrive, and i can put food in the eating place and music in the listening place. Or perhaps i will simply meditate on all the invitations from the Savior i have rejected, all the preparations i have quietly missed because i spent my energy on other things and had nothing left for Him.

may i find, may we find, in this lent, a quiet place to meet the Christ, to accept his invitation, to find ourselves bowed in gratitude for the preparation he has carefully and attentively made for particular you and particular me.


let it be known that herein lies no judgment from me upon my unattending friends. if anything, i thank them for letting me find this unexpected lenten moment.